STUDENT WRITTEN STORIES

The beauty of Roses

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        “We got you a psychiatrist.” Tears rolled down my cheecks before I could even make a sense of my emotions. I was confused and more scared than anything, after all I was only thirteen. Now I am in high school, viewed as carefree, and always told that I’m the type of person to “never get mad at anything”. But it’s easier to appear as if you are in a better place mentally than actually getting there. 

        My biggest challenge started when I was in middle school and it began with family. But, this adjustment in family pulled me farther away from what gave me joy. When I heard the word divorce slip from my parents' mouths I thought it would be easy to settle into. However, little did I know that a change in their lives would colossally change my life as well. A lot of my agony stemmed from regret, specifically the regret of wishing I had valued every second of them being together. Holding this burden in myself led to self isolation and with Covid-19, a major loss of social life. So many new things at once felt like rose thorns, each one coming from something soon to be beautiful yet the pain feeling unbearable. 

        Getting to a better pace mentally was one of the toughest challenges in my life and is a process that gets very undermined. Not hearing about other people going through the same struggles with newly divorced parents made it hard to ask for help. Looking back I wish that was open to getting mental help sooner. However, the process of finding myself happened because I knew that my happiness was not dependent on anyone else but me. By keeping in mind the line, “you are the only person that can make yourself happy”, changed my perspective on how it was possible to get to a better mental state. Eventually, I started forming closer connections with friends that I had lost to self-isolation and got involved in activities that I loved. The most impactful activities that helped me find happiness again was being outside, painting, and the biggest one of them all, running. Being outside gave me a sense of freedom and helped me see once again how beautiful our world is. Painting let me express myself and my feelings that had been bottled up inside. And running altered my mind in the sense that I could achieve hard things, both mentally and physically. Running hasn’t only guided me through hardship at age thirteen but has given me a second family now in high-school. Running gives me a reason to show-up everyday not just for myself but for people that I care about on my team, it has given me a reason to keep smiling.

        I still think of the concept of roses today and how in order to see their full beauty you have to be hurt by a thorn. I see the rose concept in my parents, each of them willing to be hurt by thorns to make our family restful. I see roses in my teammates, each of them so uniquely beautiful and the thorns they face to mentally grow and get stronger. I see roses in the 13 year old girl who faced thorns everyday thinking couldn’t find happiness again and did. I see roses in myself, a person that was thorned to show others the beauty of time and how better mental health is possible.

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The Impact of an Injury

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     Two years ago, during an intense track season, I started feeling a sharp pain on the side of my right knee. It’d happen whenever I took off my shoe—but naturally, I did what many young athletes would do: I ignored the pain and continued training.

     What I didn’t realize was that in continuing to hammer an already worn ligament, I was setting myself up for nine months of physical therapy and equally as much mental exhaustion. For most of the summer, I was put in a knee brace, and after being unable to move for

two months, I discovered just how much my identity had been tied to running. I experienced deep pits of frustration and wallowing in my sorrows. I remember taking car rides and feeling isolated from the trails my teammates and I used to frequent daily.

     Even after the brace came off and my sophomore year began, I experienced bouts of both physical and academic burnout. My mood could be dictated by how my knee was feeling, and I found myself becoming more distant from the people I loved.

     This led me to ask myself: through the ups and downs, why did I enjoy running? In the end, what motivated me to keep coming back to this sport?

The answer came easily, and it helped me through every physical therapy session, every day when I longed to give up: I run because of the joy it has given me, all through the people I’ve met.

     When I joined cross-country in my freshman year, I would have never imagined encountering so many passionate and driven people. I would have never thought of making indelible memories singing along to karaoke on the way to track meets; would have never dreamed of racing side-by-side with girls I looked up to and whose bonds we shared would extend long past a single season.

     These are the memories that running has given me, and they continue to guide me to health and happiness, no matter what challenge I encounter.

     My journey with injury has been rife with ups and downs, and that’s something I had to adapt to during my return to sport. But my sole piece of advice to student-athletes, both injured and healthy, is to cherish the connections made in this sport. And when you can’t be physically present on the team—due to injury or any other factors—remember to text that teammate; reach out to that alumni; call the friend who’s been through it all.

In the end, it’s not individual performance, but rather team spirit that champions the nature of sport. I promise that the sparks made by these bonds can and will get you through every trial you face.

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Balance

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    High-school, the word already explains itself. High pressure, high expectations, high competitors, all in the concept of school. Perhaps one of the hardest parts of high school is finding balance and it’s certainly easier said than done.

    Freshman year of high school was an earth-shaking transition from middle school. I always knew that high-school homework wouldn’t be easy but after two years I have begun to realize that homework is not the hardest part of high-school. For me, it’s finding the balance between a social life, hobbies, and giving myself a break. Going back to freshman-year there are so many things I wish I had done differently, but the best part of growing comes from mistakes along the way. If I had the power to positively influence another teenage life it would be to teach them that the “school part” of school is not the overarching part.

    Something that I wished was talked about more is academic burnout as a result of imbalance. I believe that students and teenagers especially, put way too much pressure on themselves. And a trap that I fell into when putting the pressure of good academic success in school was not getting enough sleep. And unfortunately, not getting enough sleep consistently led to worsening athletic performance and social life. This was an extensive eye opening experience for me because I realized that I was never going to find happiness by prioritizing one thing over the other things that I loved doing.

    Now, a year later I have learned that grades don’t define who I am and who anyone is as a person. Numbers are just numbers and rest is more crucial. I have grasped the idea that balance is key to happiness, particularly balancing what you love doing and what your body needs to function well. And once you are able to find equilibrium of the aspects of your life that mean a lot, the important things will come easier. If you are a student, the grades won’t seem as hard to reach when you’re joyous and neither will having strong friendships. And for anyone out there who is reading this, I wholeheartedly believe that balance will positively impact you as well. Student or not, you deserve to find equilibrium and happiness. 

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